You're carrying the cholesterol thing too far if you can resist an ice cream cone in August.	Doug Larson
	If Mom's on a diet, everyone's on a diet.	H. Jackson Brown
P. J. O'Rourke		Politicians are interested in people. Not that this is always a virtue. Fleas are interested in dogs.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.	Harry S. Truman
	They say hard work never hurt anybody, but I figure why take the chance?	Ronald Reagan
Hedy Lamarr		Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush.	Doug Larson
	Remember, pillage BEFORE you burn.	Unknown
Miss Piggy		Never eat more than you can lift.
Children are God's way of saying you've slept enough.	Tim Allen
	I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.	Carol Leifer
Unknown		If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
This little piggy went to market.	Traditional
	Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.	W.C. Fields
Grover		Anywhere I am is HERE. Anywhere I am not is THERE.
It is always the best policy to speak the truth - unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.	Jerome K. Jerome
	Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.	Ogden Nash
Golda Meir		Don't be so humble. You're not that great.
He is not only dull in himself, but the cause of dullness in others.	Samuel Foote
	You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.	Ronald Reagan
Barry Marter		I went on a diet - had to go on two diets at the same time 'cause one diet wasn't giving me enough food.
Middle age: when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.	Ogden Nash
	I don't need to be born again. I got it right the first time.	Dennis Miller
John McGovern		I love boxing. Where else do two grown men prance around in satin underwear, fighting over a belt? The one who wins gets a purse. They do it in gloves. It's the accessory connection I love.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."	Charlie Brown
	From a tombstone in England: Remember, man, as you walk by,/ As you are now, so once was I,/ As I am now, so shall you be, /Remember this and follow me.	(To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:) To follow you I'll not consent, /Until I know which way you went.
Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.	Ambrose Bierce
	As for me, except for an occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did.	Robert Benchley
John Mendoza		Fear is being stuck in heavy traffic. You just had two cups of coffee and a bran muffin.
The basis of optimism is sheer terror.	Oscar Wilde
	Eschew Obfuscation.	LaMont Shillinger
	Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive. Sir Walter Scott	To which J.R. Pope added: But when we've practiced quite a while, how vastly we improve our style.
Ambrose Bierce		Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco, wrapped in paper, fire at one end, fool at the other.
California is a fine place to live--if you happen to be an orange.	Fred Allen
	Try to relax and enjoy the crisis.	Ashleigh Brilliant
George Burns		Sincerity is the key. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
Only the person who has climbed the mountain can gripe about the view.	Derek Cook
	In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.	Oscar Wilde
Dave Weinstein		In the beginning, there was nothing. And God said, 'Let there be Light.' And there was still nothing. But you could see it.
Every year, back come Spring, with nasty little birds yapping their fool heads off and the ground all mucked up with plants.	Dorothy Parker
	If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?	Linda Ellerbee
Voltaire		God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Red meat is NOT bad for you. Now blue-green meat, THAT'S bad for you!	Tommy Smothers